jess's suicide with an angels love
by mangeko crossagan
Summary: i play as jesse so its first point of view with a little third point of view at the end. jess is suicidal and its been 5 years so hes 17. leslie is his guardian angel dont worry it has a happy ending in heaven.
1. Chapter 1

i feel so much fucking pain right now. why, why me i was finally happy, perfect friendship but shitty family. Leslie was always my better half, the one to make me believe and keep my mind wide open. but now thats gone in the wind just like her soul. never will i see her beautiful smile again. im already tearing up thinking about it, god i should of been there for her and she might of lived, you could of taken me instead she had so much to offer the world when i had so little to even offer my self. it seems my family thinks im broken so they are nicer now, im not broken im dead. i don't know what to do now, i felt a weird plea when passing Leslie's house with miss Edmund. i now know it was my brain saying "can Leslie go with us", but i was to foolish to see it that way, i wanted the teacher for myself. god i feel stupid and like an asshole. i wish you hadn't slipped away, i wish i could say sorry, for what i cant take back, im sorry Leslie, i pray ill meet you in heaven every day if i get the chance that is. i cut sometimes to ease the pain, i know if u were here u would say stop it u'll die, but to be honest id rather want to die then be alive. temporary relief from cutting is all there is to heal my broken heart, if there is regret is not telling u i loved u. your dad said "she loved you u know". i remeber that rainy day when i gave u that special look and u turned and gave one last goodbye wave with ur eartly angel glowing smile. if only is all i say now. maybelle became the new queen but your always remebered as the true queen always, but i love u will i love again no i dont think i will. the dark master is not around much anymore since i get along better with my father and family, im afraid to keep living but i want to die, the forest everytime i go there alone makes me feel better just thinking of u my soul mate, wat would u say knowing of my predicument, would u hit me, hug me, weep with me, or say i love u to. i reminsce alot often. perhaps without seeing u ur still here, secretly watching me being my guaridian angel, it would suit u well, i hope u forgave me, seeing as we were suppose to go to terabithia that saturday, but instead i ditched u in a moments notice for her i spat, i dont even talk to her anymore, the day u went away was the day i noticed it wont be the same. if i commited suicide would i go to hell or be with u in heaven, im sorry family i cant take it, im 17 and i still miss her im broken inside and feel dead beyond any therapy repair, if u hear me leslie or see this, god, anyone, please forgive me, i want her so bad, i cant wait forever if she even there at all, am i crazy or just lost it. i cant tell any more, but i just want all the pain,anguish,regret,sadness,sorrow, all to just go away, im balling my eyes out just wanting it all to end knowing it isnt fair to my family, but still, besides them im alone bullies, no friends since my boo leslie, i cant take it call me weak or anything u want but ive finally decided the truth, i need her. i slowy picked up the razor blade and had a flashback at all the amazing memories and with one last true smile of my life i cut my wristt with the memories slowly falling into a huge single black whole for the final time. atleast i'll die with a smile, slowly bleeding out my last thought before i blacked for the last time was her i come my love, leslie, dieing with a smile truly at last, for once in his shitty miserable life, he felt no pain it all is gone. the family later found him in the room dead on his bed. the suicide note read im with leslie now im sorry but it was the only way out, please forgive me im sorry and i love u all. even the bullies oof his felt pain and regret. jess awoke in an all white room on just a simple bed. what the hell he thought i thought i died. you did u bastard. knowing that voice he looked around shocked wondering if he was hallucinating again. over here, looking to his left he just gasped, the girl he wanted so long to see and it appered she was his age and yet she looked the same with longer hair and just being older. leslie i cant beli shut up she said angrily cutting him off why did u do it she yelled in his face running up to him, i missed u and i love u i couldnt live without u i treid but it just became to much he cried. she looked sadly at him and said thoughtly i know, i saw everything, god made me your guardian angel, im so sorry jess she said hugging him tightly she started crying softly and my dad was right about one thing she said slyly, oh yea and wats that a red faced jess said, i do love u and always have. just as he was about to kiss her she smacked him hard and yelled thats for killing yourself, then she kissed him sweetly and thats for never forgeting me. well how could i said a now relieved jess for the first time in 5 years since hear death. am i in heaven leslie, she looked at me funny and said ya what do u think doofus your in my room, oh i said looking around better, although it was plain white it did look girly, so i whispered hugging her closly, will you go out with me, of course she said happily and just like that i felt like i got a halo goddess and happyness all at the same time. and yet one more time i just had to say it les, im sorry, shh jess she said tiredly cuddling up next to me, all is forgiven just go to bed my love, fine goodnight i love u my quenn i said falling asleep peacfully for a first, and goodnight my king she said falling asleep with a shinning smile.


	2. Chapter 2

may was sitting in the terabithian tree house crying her eyes out. since Jess died she just wanted to be called may no more maybelle. i feel so lost, you were my brother and best friend, so why you, god why him out of all people. me and jess were so close, no one understood him besides me and leslie. i understand why he did it, i just wish he didnt. may started balling her eyes out screaming in the empty forest. it seems like terabithia lost its magic since thos two left she muttered quietly. i wish there was a way to bring you back. maybelle was now 13 longer hair and baby fat lost. i pray for you every day jess, i now think of you as my guardain angel. since theres no more dark master theres finally peace like you guys wanted. im sorry, its hard to get through the days with blame that turns me to shame. the whole familys closer and everyone looks after eachother now, i guess we relized that to late. thats all i wanted to say god said may who stopped praying and stood up and left the tree house quickly. while running through the forest may kept think of how if magic can do wonders and create many new possabalities whats stopping her from seeing new things that shee needs to survive in the real world. keep your mind wide open thought may smiling for once since her brother died a month ago. those 5 words are stuck in my head, what did they truly mean, was it a signal or sign or just a helping hand. sitting down on the bridge jess made 5 long years ago still thinking can i make him reappear or recarnate him?. i looked up at the sign that read proudly "nothing crushes us" with tears streaming down her face she shouted somewhat desperetly. may: terabithins i your queen, wish for u to bring back jess and leslie for ever or any thing in time you can please she said balling now, ill die with out them. when nothing happened she fell to her knees in prayer. to god: god, ik i dont ask for much but please, can u bring them back, ill never ask for anything or do anything bad again. heck, i wont even swear ever agin just please. i sighed getting up slowly to walk home when suddenly i felt a bright ligh shine behind me. omg i screamed when i finally looked back, i couldnt belive it jess and leslie holding hands looking happily at me halos shiining and smilling madily. i did the only thing i could think of i fainted.


End file.
